I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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