thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
