My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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