My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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