4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
