dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize