omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
