I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
