So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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