If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
