she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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