You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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