Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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