Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
