Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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