I wish i was in the wii world.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
