ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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