How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
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I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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