Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
