found the other keg... it's in the tree
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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