is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
