You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
