you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
