Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
