I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
