she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
