drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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