you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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