He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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