true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
