Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
