You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
