its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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