It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
