smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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