I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
