Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
