Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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