who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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