That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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