I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
