Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
