and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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