Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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