I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
