I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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