Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
