this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
