guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
