I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
