dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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