Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
