last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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