no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
