Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
