He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
