I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize