Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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