the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
