I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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